Sunday, December 13, 2009

If Only In My Mind

The beauty that surrounds me happens slowly
with time stitching together all the colors
The hues
The glows
That make up a wonderful life
If only in My Mind

The curtains blow
The songs sound
The instruments play
The children laugh
If only for a day, they have set my heart aglow.

This thing we built 46 years ago

The musician, the man
The individual being that is so worn now
The weary tired lines
The pain he ignores
The one and only that I’ve adored

It can’t go on
It can’t continue
But each minute, I carry within me
The beauty, the glow that surrounds me
If only in My Mind

© Patricia B. all rights reserved 2009

The Song

We all three had our glasses on
We went to lunch and they played a song
We said “Oh My” remember this ~
The song that never left our lips
That as a child we sang ~ the song that never leaves the lips

There we were all worn and grey
But we still enjoy the day
Our hearts and our minds are young ~ we laugh ~ we talk
But we no longer run

As children we ran and played the day away
But now that we’re worn and grey
to lunch we go ~ to spend the day
To say in touch ~ to laugh and play
But no longer can we run

And on that day, the song came on that never left our lips
A song we sang when we were young

“Oh yes” we remember
When the song came on
Each of us smiled that smile of wonderment that only in our
minds could we picture it

The days at play ~ the song that never went away
A song for only us three ~ a song that told us we were meant to be
Each one special in her own way ~ as we ran and played

The song of the young ~ the song that young ones sing so sweet
Because the song that came on that day was
a baby sweet sitting with her mom ~ giggling and singing ~
As only children do ~

The song that never leaves the lips
The song of ~Youth ~
That is remembered by three old ladies

© Patricia B. 2009 all rights reserved

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Escape

All she wanted to do was drive, just drive until she couldn't drive anymore. Until she was too tired to even think. She just wanted to escape, get the hell away. But to where? She drove, and drove, she stopped and walked and then she drove some more. She was in search of escape. When she finally stopped, she realized she hadn't driven far enough to escape so she returned home.

Once home, she decided maybe if she went for a run, she could escape. First she ran a 5K, but that didn't help with the escape. She went to the gym to work out, but still she wasn't able to escape. She went shopping; she bought things she thought would help her escape.

She took her purchases home, but she still knew she needed to escape. Again she decided she just wanted to drive, she could just get in the car and drive again and maybe this time she would find a destination where she could escape. She drove as far as she could into the night and didn't stop until she was so tired and couldn't drive any more. By now, she should have escaped. She should be free.

Unfortunately, she realized that there is no escape. She would never be free. This overwhelming urge to escape had been with her on and off for years. It would start when she was having a good day and in such a happy mood, and then she would hit the pits. Just one word, one gesture, a look, anything can set it off, and then she has an overwhelming urge to escape. She feels she needs to just run, to escape wherever she is, the scenery, the house, the people. But most of all, she feels she needs to escape from herself, but how do you crawl out from your own skin and escape? How do you make your mind shut off and escape? The urge, the feeling just won't go away. It has to run its course and she just has to live with it until it is done.

The alternatives she tried before - after a ruined marriage and the kids not speaking to her anymore was to drink until she couldn't think. The escape would happen for a while until she woke from her drunken stupor. Sometimes she would escape with just drinking and picking up a guy for the night, and then she would wake and hate herself, and the escape had not happened.

She finally gave up trying to escape and now she just lives with it, and lets it run its course until the time comes when it will end. The escape will be gone and gone forever when it happens.

The hit man has been hired; she doesn't know who it is, how to contact him or when it will happen. She just knows that it will happen. There is no going back now.

For now, she just drives and runs and finds things to occupy her while she seeks escape, and she anxiously awaits the day that the escape will arrive.

(c)opyright 2009 Peabea all rights reserved

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Unexpected Development

As she headed out to work that morning, she was dreading the work day. A new associate had been hired by her firm and she hated the competition. She was a hard worker, had earned her position and now some young newbie was coming on board. She had heard that this new associate was bright and very aggressive. Well, it wasn't going to matter, she was steadfast in her career and had been an excellent addition to this company for years even if she had trampled a few on her way up the ladder. She wasn't afraid of some twit coming along no matter how aggressive she might be because she was a force to be reckoned with.

When she arrived at work, she was introduced to the new associate, they exchanged greetings, and then she abruptly walked away to her office.

Lunchtime came and went and she ignored the grumbling in her stomach. She could always eat later on, but now there was much work to finish. The most important presentation of her career was coming up soon. She would be heading to Europe in just a matter of days to make a presentation to a company that her company had been courting for years. It was extremely important that this company come on board because they were financially stable, and that would much improve the company assets.

It was around 10:00 pm before she actually looked at the clock. She had been working straight through. When she arrived home, around 10:30, the new associate was waiting on her doorstep. The woman didn't say anything, but just handed her a note and walked off to a waiting car. As she entered the house, she was reading the note, and stopped dead still. She couldn't believe the words she were reading. The note said that this young woman was born in Mercy Hospital at 9:50 pm on October 21st, and the note said you are my mother, and it was accompanied by a birth certificate.

It continued to read, I don't want to know you; I only wanted to let you know who you are dealing with so that you could appreciate it! I'm the new CEO from the company in Europe, the deal was closed today, and you're fired.

(c)opyright Patricia 12-6-2009